connecting*the*dots

it’s funny how you often get what you ask for
it smacks you in the face
wakes you up to the fact
that no matter what you think you know
you’re still just a part of the human race
not a step above
nor a rung below
just one of the many
fidgeting in the spotlight of the show
damn that light can get hot
it’ll make you want to jump aside with the quickness
like rolling on deck with sea sickness
your legs can begin to quake
shake
baked
in the heat of the show
you can’t stand to stay
but are too afraid to go
so as the options seem to shrivel
and your dissertations turn to drivel
you simply end up back to where you started…
you’re all alone

people walk by…
i can see into their souls
lost
tragic
corrupt
whole
each meanders by without an end
none strangers by classification
all on the mend
i watch her take his hand
guiding it to her heart
distractions set the mood to folly
a moment to save like rollie
fingers on her chest
tapping the ivory to the beat
radiating heat
one would say it’s obvious
the next would say discrete
who am i but the observer on the street

she spoke in circles
yet was as straight as could be
made me think about what once was
how i almost landed on one knee
her laugh is still infectious
her smile shines on
another hour of this
and i’m sure to be gone
dragged in
and kicked smoothly out
the smoke fills up my head
how did i land on this deep route?
i’m not sure where i am
or where this will go
but i am damn sure
that it is much better to know
that she still has those eyes…
that smile…
wow.

I’m free now to direct a movie,
sing a song or write a book
about yours truly.
How I’m so interesting, and I’m so great,
but I’m really just a fuck up.
It’s such a waste
to burn down these walls around me,
flexin’ like a heartbeat.
I don’t like to speak.
Don’t talk to me for about a week.
I’m sorry, it just hurts to explain.
There’s something going on that makes my guts ache.
I got guilt.
I got fever.
I got regret.
I’m such a panic-stricken waste.
I’m such a jerk.
I was honest,
I swear.
The last thing I’d ever do . . .
Honest, I swear,
the last thing I want to do is ever cause you
pain . . . . .

- Mark Sandman

days go on and i start to drift
finding my way home through the mist
i imagine her face
i imagine her kiss
she was once in my arms telling me how our love would last
now my arms feel empty
my heart is hungry
but it’s time to fast
i walk through my daze with a purpose of pushing on
gotta remain positive
have to be strong
but my best friend is gone
and i’m left trying to get along