connecting*the*dots

That huge AOL logo behind Lou is killing me.

Have they no shame! Heh…

Until this past July, I had never lived in a house with a working garage.

As a kid, my parents parked in the driveway and as an adult, the majority of my renting years were in urban environments paying for a spot. So all those tool commercials and images of garage mayhem over the years pretty much escaped me.

But I’m a perceptive person; I get how the image of a garage is one tie of many to homogeneous normalcy. So, over the years, I’ve taken notes while experiencing — first-hand — what goes down inside the signifier of friends and relatives suburban existence.

Because, quite honestly, I’d be nothing if I weren’t a contributing part of the whole.

An example of my apperception: My Uncle Bob attaches a tennis ball to a string and dangles it down from the ceiling of his garage for his windshield to touch, marking exactly how deep his car can be parked without blocking the door to the house.

Ingenious, right?

Well, with my recent venture into home ownership, I think my car stopper has his version beat, hands down.

I’m sure those that know me can picture the grin plastered onto my face each time I maneuver my truck in and out of the garage.

To those that don’t know me, well, it’s a simple case of me hating the very concept of corporate management — either being in the position or reporting into the hierarchy.

Actually, it’s not that simple.

I have no issues working with corporate management from a consulting perspective; I can work with anyone and their internal politics as long as my rate is being paid and I have no long-term skin in their games.

But from within the system of corporate management itself? Let’s just say that my years within the machine taught me a hell of a lot about real world politics… and in ways that I regret and despise today.

Corporate employment provides you with more than a dress code at the job; it encourages you develop multiple personalities — or masks — in order to encourage and coax ridiculously high degrees of throughput from your employees, all the while dealing with similar two-faced assholes as yourself who are attempting to climb their own corporate ladders.

I’m now 18 months free of that game and I couldn’t be happier.

Especially when I park my car.

The Wikipedia page for Coon Cheese is even better.

(sent to me by Odannyboy in Australia)

Jeesh!

The NFL has gone soft.

I’m watching the Jets get theirs asses handed to them by the Jags… and the refs. Don’t get me twisted; the Jets are getting killed by the opposition, but two plays today have summed up the differences between the NFL circa 1975 and today.

1. Jonathan Vilma broke through the Jags o-line and crushed Byron Leftwich while he was releasing his pass for an incompletion. The result? A 15-yard roughing the passer call. Unbelievable.
2. Down 28 in the first half, Eric Barton sacked and leveled Byron Leftwich on the Jags 1-yard line. Too little too late, possibly, but at least we got a lick in. Wait, check that; 15-yard penalty, roughing the passer. I guess you can’t even sack THE DAMN QUARTERBACK ANYMORE!

Just as I prepared to swear off football for good (I’m still close), I sumbled across this gem of an article:

Brushback.com
New Rule To Protect Quarterbacks Prohibits Them From Taking Field

NEW YORK — In a further effort to protect quarterbacks from violent hits, the NFL has adopted a new rule prohibiting them from taking the field. The rule, which will be put into effect in week 3, is expected to dramatically decrease the number of injuries to starting quarterbacks, and also significantly alter game planning.

“This is a rule that we needed in order to protect our marquee players from season-ending injuries,� said commissioner Roger Goodell. “Guys like Carson Palmer, Steve McNair, and Daunte Culpepper are the faces of the league. We can’t have them battered around like tackling dummies. We can’t allow defenders to hit them high or low or in the middle or late or on-time or at all. They’re dainty, like little Russian nesting dolls, and we need to protect them from those scary, HGH-addled defenders.�

Goodell went on to describe the gridiron as a “scary, violent place that’s fraught with peril.�

“It’s just too dangerous out there,� he said. “Have you seen what goes on? Everybody’s running into each other at high speeds. Sticking a franchise QB out there is just asking for trouble. Personally I don’t even think they should be allowed to stand on the sidelines. You never know when somebody’s going to get shoved out of bounds and upend them. Oh, God I don’t even want to think about it. Can we just change the subject, please?�

The new rule change will force coaches to come up with game plans that don’t involve quarterbacks in any way. Generic running plays, as well as gadget plays like the double reverse and the halfback option, should become more common. In each case, a running back or wide receiver would take the snap from center.

[…]

It’b be hilarious if it weren’t so close to being reality.

If the NFL ever becomes a sport for men again — where business investments in quarterbacks return to the world of a roll of the dice — I might return to getting amped to spend 3 hours on Sundays to watch. Until then, well, consider my patronage a roll of the dice.

(originally uploaded by James UK)

OMG, my stomach is killing me from laughing…

All props to American Belly!

(originally uploaded by Lenslinger)

There’s gotta be a muscle car out of the picture somewhere… Stew?

There’s more hilarity where that came from.

(via cb)

More Banksy brilliance!

Families visiting Disneyland on their holiday this week saw a life-size Guantanamo bay inmate standing inside the Rocky Mountain Railroad ride at Disneyland in Anaheim California.

The sculpture, consisting of an inflatable doll dressed in an orange jumpsuit with its hands and feet manacled remained in place for one and a half hours before Disneyland’s security staff shut down the ride and removed it amid fears over public safety.

(via Neatorama)

(originally uploaded by niznoz, graf by borf)

Hey, I’d vote Jon Stewart into office over the boneheads we currently have prancing about, talking loud and saying nothing.

Courtney forwarded this email to me the other day. I thought it was great, so, with permission of the original author:

From: Andrew Kling
Date: September 1, 2006 12:31:51 PM EDT
To: mailingList
Subject: Adam Smith Does Not Make Good Material

So today in the campaign office we were discussing the stem cell initiative, specifically that the Chamber of Commerce had started running ads in favor because it would be good for business. That’s a horrible, horrible reason, but whatever.

Then my colleague recalled a bill that was looking like it was going to pass despite our side’s best efforts - allowing pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions. Not just EC or birth control, any prescriptions. “Want AIDS meds? Serves you right for being gay” kind of stuff.

All of a sudden, the bill disappeared. Gone. It looked inevitable, but in one quiet instant it simply vanished. Who shut it down? Chamber of Commerce. Why? Not because of the ethics, but because such a bill would be “bad for business”.

I responded,

“Wow. Pimp-slapped by the invisible hand.”

Oh come on, rest of the office - that’s comedic gold.

Hope you are having a wonderful day, or at least one with a better audience. ;)

-a

Andrew Kling
Rebecca McClanahan for State Representative

href=”http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/08/082906.html”>the show with zefrank

the show with zefrank

(originally uploaded by SqueakyMarmot)

Overheard in New York
NewsFlash: Eccentric Dean of Electoral College Invokes Little-Known Constitutional Provision

Hobo: Attention, attention! I’m playing this saxophone to raise money for my spaceship!

Plays a horrible rendition of “Pop Goes the Weasel.”

Hobo: I’m going into space, and I’m taking George Bush with me!

Fellow passengers cheer.

–1 train

UPDATE: We just got back from the campiest film of all-time. A few memorable quotes (all Sam Jackson):

“Great, snakes on crack.”
“I’m sick and tired of mothafuckin’ snakes on mothafuckin’ planes!”
“After surviving that, how’d you like me to buy you dinner?”

A must see!

UPDATE II: David Weinberger has a great perspective on why the SoaP phenomenon is so cool. Here’s an outtake:

[…]

With Snakes on a Plane, we’re flexing our muscles in a new way. We’re not insisting that JarJar be killed in the sequel, although we did write the movie’s most quotable line. But that’s cool only because it means with SoaP we’re messing with the audience’s relationship to the movie, and not just - as with Rocky Horror - during the time when the movie unspools in the theater. Rather, with SoaP the audience has taken over the meaning of the movie. This is very different from being asked to design Indiana Jones’ new outfit or write witticisms for the next James Bond movie. We, without being asked, have insisted on what this movie means to us.

[…]

(originally uploaded by elmada)

Kite flying has no integrity? You learn something new everyday.

Remember that slippery slope?…