connecting*the*dots

Sandow Birk: The Liberation of Baghdad

New York Times Iraq reporter John Burns

Vladimir Yarets Alexeevich is on a mission that he can’t tell you about. He’s both deaf and mute, but don’t think for a moment that stops him from reaching out and touching your soul with his story.

I met him at a vista point above the Golden Gate Bridge last Sunday. Apparently, he’s been traveling the globe on his bike since 2000, trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the most distance traveled on motorcycle by a deaf mute. Yeah, their categories are awesome. Vladimir showed me where he’s already been and it’s pretty much the entire globe (including all 50 states). He’s about to head to Hawaii then Australia and Japan to wrap up.

The guy had me rolling on the ground when he mimed his 2003 crash experience. He pointed to his replacement bike (a BMW) and then clicked his heels together, threw his right arm up with a flat hand extended and made a serious face (pretending to be a Nazi). Then he points to his ride and throws up his two thumbs and grins.

Fuckin’ A.

He pointed to a laminated card that said that donations get him around the world, so I peeled off $10 and shook it into his hand. I’m now living vicariously through the guy. When I got home yesterday, I Googled him and found an old article about Vlad, two years into his journey.

How this hasn’t become a movie, I have no idea.

I tag like a 15 year-old kid in the South Bronx with a box full of Krylons and a yard full of freshly sandblasted cars.

I tag like I just got jumped by a handful of punks who made the mistake of letting me follow them to their trailer park homes adorned with freshly cleaned aluminum siding.

I tag like I get told who I am, what I’m supposed to believe and how I’m supposed to act on a daily basis.

I go all city, hoping that one day, the vehicles I’ve touched get stitched together to form a complete sentence.

I tag because I saw you leave your mark and it was dope.

I tag because I know how to freeze, watch TV and (kinda) avoid the kissing bugs.

I tag because the words I drop in time will find a way to form a cohesive rhyme.

I tag because the world may be getting smaller, but it’s damn sure not coming together.

I tag your name, your spot, your position, your mood, your frame of mind when it’s too hard for you to see it for yourself.

I tag the expected terms of modern constructs.

I tag the post-modern undercurrents of miscellaneous descriptors.

I tag my tags so that when structure is forged out of chaos, you’ll know how to find me.

I tag so that it’s me you won’t be looking for.

When I tag, I’m regurgitating the meal I’ve caught for the chicks in my roost.

When I tag, I feel one with the universe of the collective unconscious.

When I tag, I can see the pillars of control quaking in their foundation.

When I tag, I experience therefore I understand.

When we tag, anything is possible.

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Tag! We’re It! Part II
Tag! We’re It!

Mr. Bush, Mr. Blair… since this war is much more about winning the hearts and minds from within Iraq, the Middle East and the watchful eyes of (former?) allies around the world than finding WMDs, maybe we should try a few new tactics. Well, of course I have a few ideas! I’m expecting you to take notes, but don’t worry, this won’t hurt too much.

1. Instead of placing American flags on fallen statues, roofs of buildings we occupy or on bridges we take over, etc., how about placing traditional Iraqi flags with a corresponding one that reads "freedom" in Arabic in it’s place? It promotes the idea of liberation not occupation. That is your stance, isn’t it?
2. Kill the radio broadcasts in Arabic that are making fun of Saddam. As much as these people hate him, you’re only patronizing their intelligence. It may work with Leno or Conan for our retarded American public, but it’s viewed as an insulting tactic around the world. The Arab world, specifically, gets a tad bit uptight when you make fun of an Arab leader… even if he is/was a dictator. We don’t need any more people with hate in their hearts against us. It’s a dumb move. Dumb and classless. Oh my bad, the CIA is in charge on this one… no wonder.
3. If we’re dumping billions into the war budject, we should have at least a few billions set aside to immediately move in and provide medical assistance. Temporary to begin with, perminant within a year or so. Build new, modern hospitals in strategic areas of the country in order for all people to get assistance. This, along with an irrigation system to provide fresh water throughout the country, would be the greatest investment towards the future of peace in the country.

See? That wasn’t so bad. You’re such big boys! Ok, now get out of my office and go fix the world. If you don’t no one will… right?