connecting*the*dots

For my best friend…

Artist: Pink Floyd
Song: If

==========

(Waters)

If I were a swan, I’d be gone.
If I were a train, I’d be late.
And if I were a good man,
I’d talk with you
More often than I do.

If I were to sleep, I could dream.
If I were afraid, I could hide.
If I go insane, please don’t put
Your wires in my brain.

If I were the moon, I’d be cool.
If I were a book, I would bend for you.
If I were a good man, I’d understand
The spaces between friends.

If I were alone, I would cry.
And if I were with you, I’d be home and dry.
And if I go insane,
And they lock me away,
Will you still let me join in the game?

If I were a swan, I’d be gone.
If I were a train, I’d be late again.
If I were a good man,
I’d talk with you
More often than I do.

From Wooster Collective:

Yesterday, Nico woke up in his flat in Split Croatia. On his closet door was a map created by his girlfriend, Andrea. The map showed different places for Nico to look as his took his usual route from his apartment to the academy where he studies.

What Nico found was an elaborate love poem done on the streets of Split by Andrea. She had put up stencils, paint, aerosol, collage wheat pastes etc. with last piece reading…. “i love you”.

Simply beautiful.

damn…
the months have just crawled on by
i thought time was really going to fly
all i keep hearing in my head
is myself telling me to get the lead
out of my system
i’ve got 32 years of wisdom
that tells me you’re not going to call
not going to show your face at all
but for some reason i keep putting my smarts on the back shelf
refusing to move on
i got swingeritis
my love jones long from being long gone
so now i sit in the dark
in my shorts and t-shirt and week old socks
drinking oj from the carton
staring at my pet turtle’s rocks
i keep wondering why you left me
i know
it’s a pathetic sight
but moving on without that closure
is like a lewis-tyson fight
no mas
i’m beat
i keep thinking about what could’ve been
and then i remember what i consider to be a true friend
one that doesn’t split town when things get tough
one that supports you when times are rough
one that shares laughter as well as the tears
one that supplies courage when all that’s left is fear
man this shit is ridiculous
i feel like i’m dropping a hallmark card
found in the “missing you” category
i’m such a fucking retard
i guess it’s time i turn on the lights and open the window a crack
breathe in the fresh air and forget the things i lack
the one that i miss up in the comforts of good ol’ mass
but it’s time i sip from my own cup
and drink my oj from a glass

rolling over the lump of bed that was once you
i wipe my eyes and set up the groove
kick on the slips
hit the head
jump in the shower thinking about my bed
scrub a dub dub
moving on through the morn
it’s the norm
how else do you move on from a dream to reality?
how else do you find a new cup of tea?

stepping down the stairs to the platform below
moving through the morning crowd
the world is passing on by
rumbling and loud
silent and strong
the distance is so long
between where i am and where i once was
or is that just my perception
lost in the reflection of her eyes
the woman sitting in front of the rail map
the woman reading yoga 101: stretch or feel like crap
the woman yapping about her dog’s flee’s
the woman looking back straight through me…
i don’t know anymore
i admit i’m a bit lost
i’m afraid i think too much to keep my sanity at any cost
what i do know is that this is my stop
so i have to get off

yeah
sometimes shit just isn’t plain
jane’s here one day
gone tomorrow
i thought i was ready to drop the pretenses and follow
my heart doesn’t hurt
it’s just numb as all hell
too much
too little
so i stumbled
and i fell
for a woman who had her own deal
i mean, is there really any other?
i don’t know anymore
i’m too beat down and smothered
so here i am once more
back up in the mix
but i’m not looking for a ‘hook up’
or a long term committment fix
as a matter of fact i’m not looking at all
except within myself
it’s about time i took care of my own shit
my own dreams
my own health
so a toast to the ladies of my past
who helped get me this far
the beautiful
the difficult
the exotic
you are
my heart
my soul
my passion
my desire
but i’m going back to work
so in due time i’ll reignite that fire
until then
it’s cio
adios
au revoir
unless you want a quickie in the back of my parked car
ha!
just playin’
i’ll check you out from afar

as i passed by her spirit
i made it to the other side
the rocks told my soul to rest
when i sat down
leaning against the ancient formation
a hawk glided by
wings spread wide
floating on the breeze brought by the rotation of the earth
there was no longer a "she" with me
i had laid her image to rest
and lept onto the back of the hawk
determined to see into the distance
into the future
to recognize the path laid before me
one that can handle the obsticles of my desires
and the pitfalls of my best laid plans

riding on the back of the hawk
i can see myself below
moving on
she is no longer with me
and i’m alright with that
like a cut on your hand
we heal in time
as have i
it’s a pretty amazing process
this coagulation of the heart

looking up i watch the hawk cut through the air
circling it’s prey far below
preparing to move in for the kill

look
i know that we’re not together
i realize that it’s hard to be friends
i recognize that you’re trying to move on
i can see that we’re both on the mends
but i also thought we could go through this together
i truly believed we were that tight
was i really that far in the dark
while you held fast in the light?
i don’t mean to bother
and i certainly don’t mean to guilt
but i’m starting to feel left out in the breeze
like a scottsman in his kilt
maybe it’s just a maturity thing
even though you are mature beyond your years
maybe you don’t want to look me in the eyes
confirming your own worst fears
that
we were once made for each other
sure, things like that often change
but friendships are hard to come by
no matter the distance or the range
maybe one day you’ll feel like giving me a call
you know, a shout from out of the blue
but don’t be surprised if i’m not at home
missing as if on cue
i thought i knew what we had together
as bedfellows can come and go
an intimate friend was what i thought i’d found
but i guess i’ll never really know

i remember a time when your smile would do me in
lost in the grace
found in your face
the fairest of fair skin
but you see i have this problem
and it has lived with me for so long
it’s not one that can be described
in a poem or a muted song
it feels like a burden
something that’s found on my minds eye
but when i try to focus
i lose sight
and tear up a cry
not a sob
or a concocted moan
but a gutfelt roar
because i’ve treated another lady in my life
like a twisted out, two dollar whore
someone loved me once…
and i thought i needed more

where to begin when life takes a turn
never knowing up or down
the stomach begins to churn
on a bit of indecision
and a taste of free choice
thinking all the time you’re screaming
when you’ve all but lost your voice
they say the grass is greener…
shit, the grass ain’t even real
a figment of your imagination
when you’re tripping on the deal
of the cards
the roll of the dice
walking tall one day
sticking to your own advise
then down it all comes
the world you once knew
you start searching for answers left and right…
remember to keep looking within you.